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I resisted the urge to look at her. To move my hand. To run my pinky along her skin.What was she doing? Just being friendly? Nothing else. I hadn't told her I was gay. I didn't always 'look the part' either, at least as far as stereotypes went.She was just a friendly person. That was all this was. She was comfortable with me and this was her. This was who she was. That had to be it.Her hand didn't move, nor did mine. I went back to focusing on the movie. Some of my favorite scenes were coming up, when scenes from The Shining were used. I wondered if she got spooked easily.My question was answered soon enough. She did. She was now as close to me as possible without being part of me. I let her be. Wanted to put my arm around her, pull her close. I didn't. The movie went on. It was getting closer to the end of it. She hadn't moved any closer, nor moved away from me.I loved the last half hour of this movie, so I was intently focused on the television."Maya!" Suddenly a deep voice broke. It had been 2 months.Though what Rishi did to me for those 2 weeks changed my mindset forever. I was feeling so sexual after that. And to some extent little sad that it was over. I was surprised how he managed to be so normal like nothing happened.And with mom and Deepti in the house always, we never got any time to discuss it be alone at home. We did have few phone calls from the office. Rishi just managed to keep his cool and say, it’s time for me to focus on the baby and Deepti.I was in a very confusing state, I understood his situation and the complexity this relation. There was no guilt or moral issues. I wanted him. But I could not understand how managed to just switch off so easily.I was beginning to think that I should move on and consider it a short fling.While I was struggling with my emotions, desires, and situation. I was not able to concentrate on my work either.It was a this Sunday; everyone was sitting and playing with the baby while I was sitting thinking about all.
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